The Biggest Fans Write Porn
by SlowMovingTime
Summary: Steve finds porn of him and Danny on the internet. Of course, he has to show his partner.


Disclaimer: Still don't own Hawaii Five-0. One of these days, maybe. I'm joking, CBS, joking!

* * *

"Hey, Danny!" Steve calls from his office. Danny looks up from his computer with a sigh. What could his partner want now? Danny just wants to write up his paperwork and go home for a wonderful night alone. Very satisfying.

But he gets up and goes to see what the other man wants. "Better be damn important," he growls as he enters the office.

Steve has an absurdly large smile on his face as he looks at Danny. "Look what I found on the internet!"

Danny moves around the desk to get a look at Steve's computer. At first, he is not entirely sure what to make of the image on the computer. When he finally realizes that it is porn, he's not entirely sure how to properly respond.

"Is that─is that _gay_ porn?" he asks Steve incredulously.

"Yup!" is Steve's response. It is as absurd as his smile.

"That is so blatantly NSFW, I don't even..." Danny trails off as he puts a hand over his face.

"And it gets better!" Steve begins, but is cut off by Danny.

"_That_ gets better? I seriously have no idea what to say to you right now."

"These two guys are Danny and Steve! And they look strangely similar to us! Look," Steve points to one of the figures on screen, "he has my tattoo!" Danny doesn't look at who or what Steve is pointing at. He still can't get over the fact that this is what makes Steve happy.

"And how is that a good thing? Why were you even looking for this?!"

"I was Googling myself..." Steve explains, having the decency to look mildly ashamed, the smile now gone.

"Dear God, why? You already have the body of...There is nothing on earth with a body like yours, but you still feel the need to Google yourself? How big of an ego do you think you need?" Danny asks, actually wanting an answer.

"Just listen for a second, Danny. This," Steve motions to his computer screen, "is us."

"Um...I am pretty sure that just because someone draws two guys doing whatever that is and calls them 'Danny' and 'Steve,' does not make them 'us.' Even if one of them has a tattoo that looks like yours." Danny is now quite certain that if Steve is not mentally deranged right now, then he is high.

"I mean that there is a group here in Hawaii, that follows us super closely and believes us to be in a relationship," Steve explains, finally able to put his 'feels' into words.

There is a long pause. "What the fuck are you telling me right now?" Danny asks, his voice remarkably calm.

Steve puts his hands behind his head and glares at Danny as if he can't see why this doesn't make impeccable sense already.

"People make porn. Of us." It is a simplified answer, but the idea is still too preposterous to believe. Danny shakes his head and Steve sighs before returning to the computer. He clicks on a separate tab which reveals what looks like an article

"Read that and you will believe me. I'm going to get lunch. Want anything?" Steve extricates himself from his seat and motions Danny to sit down.

Danny seats himself and begins to read, never answering Steve's question about food. Satisfied, Steve leaves, already knowing what Danny would want for lunch from a pizza place. "Boring ass pizza," is exactly what Steve will tell the disinterested young person who stands at the cash register.

"'_Steve__, __please__,' __Danny __begs__, __his __eyes __half__-__closed__, __blown __pupils __barely __visible__. __Steve __smirks __in __reply __and __slides __a __finger __into __his __partner__. __A __second __digit __joins __the __first __in __the __welcoming __tightness__. __The __New __Jersey __detective __moans __wantonly__, __his __fingers __clutching __the __white __sheets __he __lays __upon__."_

Danny's eyes widen. Holy shit...There really is porn with the two of them. He pushes himself away from the desk, feeling too ill to close the window. And Steve would probably scold him for doing so. Clearly, his insane partner is enjoying this stuff.

Steve returns shortly, food in tow, and is not surprised to find Danny lying on the couch, arm thrown over his face.

"You alright?"

The arm is removed from his partner's face. "Of course I'm not alright! I just found out that there is porn about us! How can I ever feel alright again?!"

Steve shrugs as he places the food on the table. "It's not that big a deal, is it? I mean, I'm sure there's porn of everyone. Rule 34, right?"

Danny feels as though his eyes are going to dry out with all this staring he is doing. "Rule what? What the hell are you on about now?"

Steve shakes his head because he knows Danny will never really understand the internet. Which makes him sound like a jackass because he is only just beginning to understand it.

"Look, I'm not going to try to stop you from reading and looking at this stuff; but don't talk to me about it, okay?" Danny implores as he bites into his pizza.

"Alright. I just thought you might want to know that people think we're a thing."

Danny makes a face. "Why would I want to know that? Seriously? Why?"

Steve tries to think up one reason for Danny needing to know. "Okay, you're right. I got nothing."

"Exactly."

They finish their lunch with amiable silence and a notable lack of making out. At least...for now...

* * *

The fanfic author smiles as she types the last ellipses. Man, it would be so awesome if they actually did get together, she muses to herself. She makes a mental note to write another letter to CBS.


End file.
